2012 Begins

It feels like it has been a million years since I posted last. Here is another update ;)

Still with the same guy :D I am very happy with him right now and we are living together... in my parents basement... He wasn't as upset as I had imagined he would be at the longer stay and him and my parents thought it might be good for us to save a bit of money living there. The plan is to save up to buy a house, so we are obviously planning a future together. No ring yet though. He wants to be financially stable prior to the big leap which is something I have a lot of respect for.

I gained back some of the weight and am just now getting back to the grind. I am trying to be more realistic with my goals but it is hard when I know how close I got last year. I have the same 35lbs to lose as I did originally but I have faith I can get it off this year and keep it off! I'm not doing Crossfit any more though my brother in law started a gym in his garage so I may start going there a couple times a week. I am back to the gym and swimming with a good friend in my small city so that is good. I have always had a hard time with the eating part so I am going to give it my best. I know that is a huge part of why I gained the weight back this time. Wish me luck.

Since my last post, I have gotten my name in the credits of a reality show and edited a Thank You spot for a local charity. Thats all for the editing circuit unfortunately but it was a good start and I look forward to more work on my fancy new computer in the future ;)

This last winter I took up Burlesque dancing with a close friend in the city. It was a blast and I look forward to more glitter and glamor in the future. We are part of a new troupe and have a couple gigs in the works. It really is exciting and I have met some amazing women through the experience.

I am still doing my interior design consultant thing. My sister came off of Maturnity leave and I got moved to the other location. I am still making my salary but the comissions have dropped off a lot. I am hopeing this year looks better for the industry. It has been so slow and I have a house and burlesque routines to think about ;)

On a sadder note, another reason that me and my boyfriend are living with my parents is that my mom was recently diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer. The Cancer she has is in her bile ducts that lead from the liver and is almost impossible to operate once it has spread. She has had a few procedures to help keep her comfortable and once she is all healed up they will probably start Chemo. This was obviously a huge shock and pretty devistating. We are all trying to be positive and make sure she lives the life she wants to live and do the things she wants to do. It has also been an eye opener for me that I may not have all the time I think I do and should live my life the way I want to. We are going to stay living with them as long as they need or want us there. I have hopes and plans for a very good year for the whole family. This is just something new that we have to deal with as a family. Mom has been pretty negative and scared lately for obviously good reason but we are going to get her to a positive place... and Disney Land!

We are in the process of building a room so we can have some privacy. It will also be nice to be able to sleep while he plays his games in the other room rather then a foot away from my head.

That is all I have for now. I plan on updating you more often then I have in the past and I look forward to a year of adventure and inspiration.

Love Always

Kelli

Update

So here’s the update…

I have been with my X since I wrote the last message. I suppose I should be more specific lol I seem to have a lot of Xs. Any way, the one that I was worried I would hurt. Everything is going really great. We are both being much more mature this time around. I am watching my mean self and he is thinking before he pouts. It sounds stupid but those were really our two biggest issues. I am actually thinking about my future with someone else again.

I know that I said I need to be selfish right now but I think I have come a long way and a little balance is never a bad thing. I still go to the gym with my sister, I’m still eating right, I started going to Crossfit Edge which is a pretty cool work out group I suppose you would call it. Either way my pant size keeps shrinking (finally a size 8 – 10 again) in a healthy way and that is pretty exciting. I still got a ways to go before I am bikini ready but I have 7 months to get there ;) hopefully it doesn’t take quite that long lol

I am still doing my interior design consultant thing, it is going a bit slow but still good. I also just started freelancing for a local media group doing some assistant editor stuff when they need me. So far it is just for a week but hopefully I do a good job and they call me back. I might even get a credit on the show I am ingesting for. I am pretty excited about this opportunity.

I am still living with my parents and I honestly think I may stay there until next fall. I will be able to save up a lot more to move as well as pay off almost all of my debt which is pretty exciting. I haven’t told my boyfriend this yet :S and I know that he will be upset that it is going to take so much longer then I originally said it would but I am sure he will understand that this is what is best for me right now. Plus the drive really isn’t that bad every day and my parents like him so he is comfortable there.

The one whom I call my partner in crime has a new girlfriend and that is going really well so far from what I hear. I don’t talk to him much anymore. It almost seemed like he was avoiding me for a while and it took him 3 months to tell me about her. Everyone else seemed to know before me too. Including people he never sees. That was a little annoying. I am happy for him, especially since this is the first girl who has made him want to tell people he is with her in a long time. I just wish guys didn’t ditch their close female friends when they find a love interest. I know with him and I it was a strange friendship but it still bugs me that it took him so long to tell me. And the way he told me.

As you can tell though, apart from that one thing, I am really happy right now. I can’t wait to see what the future holds :D

Random Rant

It has been a while... so here we go ;)

Sometimes when I say things they get taken the wrong way. And that drives me mental, but I am too concerned about people’s feelings to say what I really meant sometimes. I really want to try and make things work with the guy I am with. The X that I didn’t think I could be just friends with. I was right. When we first spoke again I said that I just wanted to be friends and see where it goes. That was about a month ago. I said I need to be selfish right now and worry about my career(which I am loving! I wish I was editing more but I finally got the footage I have been waiting for) and getting my body what I want it to be(I have been slacking), move back to the city, pay off my bills, before I can worry about making someone else happy. Also if we were to jump back into a relationship, it would start right back where it ended and that was not a good place. By any means. SO then we were just chatting and hanging out and I realized that just being friends was not working for me, so I decided that we should be "dating". Well he took that as I want him to be my full on boyfriend, which I don't know that I am ready for. I told him I want to take it really slow and that doesn't appear to be happening either. I just really don't want it to be like last time. We were really emotionally abusive of eachother :( I guess I will have to talk to him about some ground rules and such rather then just telling whoever reads this... I am sure I will figure it out. I also feel really selfish because I do think, what if someone else asks me out? I ran into my highschool sweetheart and we still give eachother butterflies, is that dangerous to what I have going on right now or normal for your first love to make you feel that way? Is that why my X wants me back? Cuz I was his first love? hmmm... I have figured out some stuff though and that is good. Me and my partner in crime have defined our friendship as just that and nothing more which I am happy about as we can just hang out now. I have a good paying job, a car, I'm on my way to getting into the city (maybe later then planned). I think I am prone to over thinking and worrying and there will always be something bugging me. Thats a human thing though right? I am sure one day I will figure it all out ;)

On my way!

I GOT THE JOB!

My first day is on monday and I am so excited. I am realizing more and more how hard this job is going to be but the rewards are worth it. I could be back in the city in 10 months and debt free in 2 years! that is really exciting for me.

My manager at the clothing store is on vacation, so is our DM, so I gave my notice to the assistant manager. She is a pretty good friend of mine and was excited for me though a little frustrated at having to re work next weeks schedule. Her last day is next wednesday though so she couldn't be too upset about it. I feel kind of like a coward leaving while the manager is on vacation but I didn't really have a choice. This is finally the opportunity that could turn things around for me. No more being poor not being able to do anything, worrying about feeding the cats before myself, living in family members basements.

I can't wait to start and see were it takes me.

Fingers Crossed

So I have my Assistant Manager interview at the store I am currently working at on the 22n'd, after the Manager gets back from her holiday. Getting his job would mean making a decent amount more an hour and being guaranteed more hours a week. Both great things. I think I could make a lot of good changes within the store as well if I were given the position. It isn't exactly what I want but it is better then what I have right now and something to keep me moving in the right direction. I couldn't sleep this morning so I did up a budget. I figured out what I would need to be making and how many hours I would need to work to be debt free and in Calgary in 2 years. It isn't too bad and I would be able to do it if I got the position. (PS. I didn't figure into it the $9000 computer I need if I ever want to be considered for full length Independent projects.) I know 2 years is a long time to be in my home town... at my parents house... but if it means being debt free when I head out on my own then so be it. Obviously there are people and things that could make it go a little quicker. For example.... I HAVE AN INTERVIEW FOR A GROWN UP JOB ON MONDAY!!!!! I tricked you! you thought I was settling. All of the above is true. However what I really want is the job I interview for on Monday. It is at the flooring store I have previously talked about. It may only be for the year that my sister is on Maternity, but it is ALOT more money, 9-5:30 with 2 days in a row off every week, as well as being a REAL job on my resume and a foot in the door to grown-up-ed-ness. I am really excited and I want so badly to get this position. It would make everything so much easier and go so much faster, plus then I could possibly afford my computer too! The only thing is if I interview on Monday and lets say he hires me on wednesday, I have to give a weeks notice to my current work and the manager is on Vacation. The current Assistant is leaving at the end of this month too and when the manager gets back she would basically have half a week to find another full time employee to take mine and the assistant's place. pretty sure she will want to kill me. But really if I get it how could I pass that opportunity up? I have been thinking a lot lately about going back to school and I think it is best that if I do decide to do that I have my current loans either paid of or very close to being paid off. I do need to upgrade my english as well, and I think getting this other job will really help with all of that as well. I just see everyone around me with real jobs, husbands, wives, kids. I am starting to feel that pressure a bit too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not quite ready for marriage and kids yet, but when I am I want to be stable enough to not really have to worry about how I'm going to do those things. Any who, Wish me luck! I've got my fingers crossed...

looking up

as you can see from the title of this post, things seem to be looking up for me lately. I am currently editing two projects, I haven't quite started due to some minor issues but least I am part of something in the industry. I have an interview on monday for an assistant manager position at one of the cool kid stores in the mall. I am being considered for a high paying design consultant position at a well known flooring company in the city. Me and the cats are moving in with my parents to save even more money and If I get this design consultant job I may be able to move back into the city next year. Into a place where I am paying my own mortgage not someone else's. I will be able to pay my parents back for my car and everything else they have done for me. I will be able to upgrade my editing system :D. I am hoping I get that one ;). If not the Assistant manager position would pay a lot more then what I am making now and I think I will be happier there then where I am too. It will take longer but it will also help me meet all my goals and pay off my debts. A really close friend is back in the city and I get to see him at least once a week which is really cool. He keeps me motivated, and grounded while still having an insane amount of fun. I have been smiling and laughing a lot lately and I seem to have a lot to look forward to and keep my fingers crossed for. Lets hope it keeps going this good :D

H CORE RANT!

So something has been bugging me huge for a while now but it finally came to a boiling point as of late and I am to nice to actually say something so I am going to write it in a blog.

When I was little I had a friend. Her parents didn't really raise her or her 3 younger siblings so she had to. That is indeed sad. This girl grew up to be a pretty huge partier. She would go out to one of the big rock clubs in the city and get completely hammered ad make out with whoever. She was a larger girl and walking from one part of the bar would make her sweat profusely. It was pretty clear to the rest of us that the guys she was getting thought her as easy and desperate and were taking advantage. She liked the attention. A few years ago this girl went to a holiday party at the same club and met a guy. She got only his first name and that he lived out of town. Not where out of town or a last name or any contact info. This time however she took the gut to a hotel. She ended up Pregnant that night and the guy was never to be seen or heard from again. She decided to keep the baby. Something I respect. She was living with her parents in a pretty far away small town and would frequently leave her baby with her parents while she drove all the way to the city to get her drink on. That annoyed me. Why not choose adoption for your child if you aren't going to be a parent to them? Then it started to get worse. She moved to Calgary, without her child, to look for a job so they could move into the city and away from her parents. months went by and no Job and her child was still living with her parents while she partied it up in the city. Again I refer to the part where her parents didn't raise her. Pretty sure she is making her little sister do what she had to. Then I start seeing statuses about having the best boyfriend in the world and living with him and going on trips just the two of them and getting pets together and now an engagement. No her child still doesn't live with her. somehow she can afford to spend all this money on trips and pets but can't afford to take care of her child and that drives me mental. She shouldn't be a parent if she wasn't going to do it she should have either not kept the baby or put it up for adoption. I know that is a hard decision to make but if you choose to bring a child into this world you need to take care of that child and put it above everything else. I honestly have been so disgusted by her as of late that I deleted her from my networking sight. Then she asked why she couldn't see my profile and all I could say was it was an accident. It honestly makes me ill to think about her even. I sometimes wish I could tear a strip off of her but this is as far as it will get...